Beach Bums
by hoppy1214
Summary: Harm and Mac investigate a marine's involvement with a nudist colony. HM


Title: Beach Bums

Author: Hoppy1214

Spoilers: general stuff

Disclaimer: JAG does not belong to me. I am in no way affiliated with the show or its characters

Author's Note: I'm so frustrated. I just finished a whole section for another story and my computer decided to be a bum and erase it. Anyway, after getting frustrated trying to rewrite what I remember I decided to give this idea a go. Zulu time and all that are completely foreign concepts to me. I pretend here and there I know how it works but for the most part, I just avoid it. Please be understanding. Also, I'm not very familiar with the military so I apologize for any mistakes. This story is meant to give Harm and Mac a little fun. There may be some attempt at a plot but I doubt it will be the focus. Lastly, I'm not really sure where I'm going with this story. I'm not too hot at finishing what I start but if y'all think it's worth the effort I'll try to actually finish this piece. Reviews are greatly appreciated! Now, I really am done babbling. Hope you enjoy!

Summary: Harm and Mac investigate a marine's involvement with a nudist colony. I do intend for it to be H/M

**** ****

1100 Zulu

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

"Morning, Commander, Lieutenant." Admiral Chegwidden greeted Harm and Bud as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

"Morning, Sir." The duo responded.

"Commander," the Admiral began as he handed Harm the coffeepot, " I'd like to see you and Major Mackenzie in my office as soon as possible. I have a new investigation for you two."

"Yes, Sir." Harm replied, handing the coffeepot to Bud as he set off to find his partner. He found her in her office, already knee-deep in paperwork. He knocked on the doorframe to announce his arrival.

"Yeah," Mac asked and briefly looked up from her paperwork. Recognizing Harm, she smiled brightly. "Morning, Sailor."

"Morning, Marine." Harm responded with his own smile. "Admiral wants to see us. Says he's got an investigation for us."

"Just a second." Mac scribbled something on her paper and then stood up and joined her partner at the door. "So, any idea what we're investigating?" She asked as they made their way to the Admiral's office.

"Not a clue." Harm replied. Tiner waved them in as they arrived at Chegwidden's office and they stepped inside, immediately coming to attention.

"At ease." Chegwidden instructed before Harm could announce their presence and the two officers took a seat in front of his desk. "The SECNAV dropped this on my desk this morning." Chegwidden handed each of them a manila folder. " I have to say, it is one of the most interesting cases I've ever come across. First Lieutenant Brian McHay," Chegwidden gestured towards the folders," part of the first Marine division out of Camp Pendleton, California. McHay has been charged with conduct unbecoming for his affiliation with "Hanging Out," a nudist colony just outside of San Diego. Apparently, the Lieutenant has been pressuring his colleagues to; I believe the phrase he's charged with is, 'strip down and get real.' Some of the other officers are uncomfortable with his constant badgering and have filed charges."

"What does this have to do with the SECNAV, Sir?" Harm interrupted.

"The activities coordinator for the nudist colony and McHay's significant other just happens to be the SECNAV's niece, Miss Ashley Templeton. Let's just say she isn't doing wonders for the SECNAV's public image."

"I'll bet." Rabb smirked.

Chegwidden glared at him. "Try to keep this quiet, Rabb. You're both booked on the first flight to San Diego. Tiner should have your flight information. Dismissed."

"Aye, aye, sir." Both Rabb and Mackenzie hurried home to pack.

****

1800 Zulu

An Airport, Somewhere

Mac kicked back, hoping her partner would make the flight in time. She rolled her eyes at his insistence that he had time to grab a newspaper before take-off. It would serve him right if he missed the plane. At the last possible second, Rabb rushed onto the plane looking slightly disheveled. Mac smiled as he made his way back to her.

"Close call, Flyboy."

"C'mon, I told you I'd make it."

"Yeah, yeah. You know one of these days you're not going to make it. I just hope I'm there to see the Admiral ream you a new one."

"You have such violent fantasies, Marine."

" What can I say? I get pleasure from other people's pain."

"Oh, so is that why you bought me those awful ties?"

"Hey!" Mac hit his shoulder. "They were on sale. I thought you would appreciate the gesture."

"Mac, when have you ever seen me wear a Santa Clause tie?"

"Okay, so maybe they weren't the most practical purchase I've ever made but five ties for a dollar is just too good of a sale to resist."

"Did you ever stop to think why they were being sold that cheap?"

"Fine, see if I ever buy you anything again."

"Okay, okay. I'll be nice. Thank you very much for the ties, Mac. It was very thoughtful of you."

"That's more like it, Squid. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to brace for lift-off."

Harm rolled his eyes. "We're not in a rocket, Mac."

"Tell that to my stomach." She gripped the armrests tightly.

"You remembered to take some Dramamine, right?"

"Yes, Mom."

"Hey, I'm just trying to be nice."

"I know, thanks." She leaned back and clenched her teeth as the plane accelerated. She didn't relax until they were in the air and the plane had leveled off.

"Alright?" Harm asked.

"Yeah, until landing anyway." She smiled and pulled out some manila folders, intending to review the case. Harm silently followed her lead.

After a short layover in Albuquerque, the two finally arrived in San Diego.

"Ahh," Mac breathed in the humid air. "I thought that plane ride would never end." Harm smiled and led the way to baggage claim. An uniformed Marine met them there.

"Sir, Ma'am. Corporal Wizzel. I've been given orders to show you two around. Car's this way, Sir, Ma'am." Wizzel hooked a thumb towards the door and, with a smile, took Mac's luggage from her. "Let me help you with that Ma'am." Mac rolled her eyes when he turned away but abstained from hurting his feelings.

"So, Corporal, have you been at Camp Pendleton long?" Harm asked en route to the car.

"About three months, Sir."

"Do you know First Lieutenant McHay?" Mac questioned.

"Well, not personally but his reputation supercedes him."

"What do you mean?" Mac encouraged.

"Well, you don't have to be at Pendleton long before you hear about McHay and his strange... hobby."

"You mean the nudist colony?" Harm intoned as they arrived at the car.

"Yes, Sir." Wizzel nodded.

"So did McHay ever ask you to join his nudist colony?" Mac implored after climbing into the government sedan.

"No, but I have gotten a few flyers, Ma'am."

"Flyers?"

"Yes, Ma'am. In my locker. I wasn't the only one. I think he just shoved them in randomly."

Mac nodded thoughtfully and glanced over to see that her partner was likewise involved in thinking. She leaned back into her seat and enjoyed the rest of the scenic ride in silence.

****

1400 Local Time

Camp Pendelton

San Diego, California

Mac sighed in exasperation. After hours of interviews they'd reached pretty much the same consensus. McHay was a good marine and well-liked but he talked about the nudist colony more than most men talked about their girlfriends. "So, partner, what do ya think?"

Rabb rubbed a hand through his hair. "Well, I hate to say it Mac but it's not looking good so far."

"Yeah, that's what I thought you'd say. It's a shame. He's got a great record so far."

"Yeah, well what do you say we go check out this nudist colony?"

Mac raised an eyebrow in response.

"To interview Miss Templeton." Harm clarified. "Sheesh, Mac. Get your mind out of the gutter."

"Whatever, Mr. Innocent." She smirked.

****

1500 Local Time

"Hanging Out" Nudist Colony

San Diego, California

Harm pulled up in front of an impressive white building. It was three stories high, stark white, and surrounded by sandy beaches. The ocean crashed in the background. A long sidewalk paved the way to the building and an even longer road, leading back to the gated entrance, stretched behind the JAG officers.

"Wow." Harm stared up at the huge building. I didn't realize nudist colonies were quite so..."

"Massive." Mac finished.

"Yeah." Harm agreed as he turned to look at her and then realized she wasn't looking at the building at all. Following her gaze he spotted a man wandering up the sidewalk. Mac's eyes were glued on him. Well, on certain parts of him. Harm smirked. Women. "Hey Mac, you're drooling." Mackenzie quickly tore her eyes away, a nice blush rising to her cheeks.

"I, um... uh, I."

"It's okay, Mac. Nothing to be embarrassed about. Although, personally, I've seen better." The tone of his voice made it apparent exactly whom he was referring to. Mac turned an even darker red then subconsciously glanced down at his crotch, caught herself, and-- if possible-- turned even more crimson before hurriedly walking up the sidewalk. Harm chuckled at his partner's obvious discomfort before following her to the building's entrance.

Inside a young man at a secretary's desk greeted them. 'Thankfully he's clothed.' Mac thought to herself.

"May I help you?" The young man inquired.

"Yes, I'm Colonel Sarah Mackenzie, this is my partner Commander Harmon Rabb. We would like to speak to Ashley Templeton."

"One moment please." The young man picked up a phone. "Miss Templeton, there are two people from the military here that would like to see you. Yes, okay." He ended the call. "She's back that way, second door on the left."

"Thank you." Mac replied. They reached Miss Templeton's door and knocked on it.

"Come in." A pleasant voice called. They entered the office to find a pretty, young blonde dressed in business attire.

'Awful lot of clothing for a nudist colony.' Harm thought to himself.

"You're wondering why we're all wearing clothes." She smiled at the duo. "It gets cold in the office." She shrugged as she sat down. "Please." She gestured towards two chairs in front of her desk. "Now, what can I do for you?"

"We're here in regards to First Lieutenant Brian McHay, Ma'am." Harm began.

"Of course. I take it from your tone your not interested in joining?"

"Ah, no, ma'am." Mac answered. "I'm Colonel Sarah Mackenzie. This is my partner Commander Harmon Rabb. We're heading a JAG investigation into accusations of conduct unbecoming by Lieutenant McHay."

"Yes, I see. Brian's always had trouble keeping his mouth closed, Sarah was it?" Mac nodded. "Well, Sarah, Brian is what you would call easily excitable and when he gets passionate about something he tends to want to share it with everyone, whether they're interested or not. I can see why the idea of a nudist colony would make some people uncomfortable. I mean, I was a little nervous the first time I came, but the truth is many marines from Pendleton have actually joined up because of Brian's recommendation." Harm and Mac shared a surprised look. This was news to them. "You didn't know that. Well, I can assure you that not only did they join of their own accord but that they are still happy members. In fact, I would be glad to schedule an appointment with a few of them for you."

"We would appreciate that, thank you, ma'am." Harm told her. She nodded and picked up the phone.

"Let me just make a few calls and see if any of them are here."

****

1700 Local Time

"Hanging Out" Nudist Colony

San Diego, California

Harm was sitting on the beach across from four, naked marines. 'The things I do for my country.' The marines had had nothing but good things to say about McHay and the nudist colony. Although they had admitted to being hesitant at first, all agreed that joining had been one of the best decisions they'd ever made. Harm stood up; glad this was over with. "Thank you for your time, we may be contacting you again."

"Yes, sir." They all echoed and, unfortunately, came to attention.

"Dismissed." Harm managed to get out without covering his eyes. Really, a guy could only take so much.

"Well, that was... enlightening." Mac struggled to describe the experience.

"Hmph. Not exactly what I would call it." He smiled at her. "So, did you enjoy the free show?"  
"Harm!" She scoffed. "The last thing I wanted to do is spend my day interviewing naked marines. Some of whom were very ugly, might I add."

"Mac, I can't believe you just said that."

"What? You started it. Besides, I'm still delirious from the flight. What do you say we go get some food and hit the sack."

"Hahaha. Okay, Mac. Maybe a good meal will bring you back to normal." She smiled at him.


End file.
